Never hold on?

You lose yourself trying to hold on to someone who doesn't care about losing you. If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never love someone again .

I'm writing these words to describe you and how I feel about you. And now I just don't really know it any more. There's this silent voice inside my head that tells me every time I think about you, that I have to let go of what happened. It’s just been a week that I’m away from you. But how's that possible? How am I supposed to let you go when you're not even gone? Because that's what happened the last few years. You happened to me and you always will be a special person to me. Don't get me wrong, sweetie.  I don't want to lose you and I truly promise I'll never let you go - even if you want me to. 


I can't... because you're that one special person I can't live without. But sometimes I think letting you go is the only way to be okay again. My mood almost always depends on you, even if I don't want it that way. Say something I don't want to hear, don't write back or hurt me with other things and I can show you how bad a person can really feel. I never thought things could be that upside down and up again. 
We only were... in the past! We're not anymore. Sometimes I tell myself that it's okay this way, that I'm over you. But the more I think about it, the less I believe it. So the truth is- I miss you and I  love you, every day a little bit more. 'Cause that's all I can do. I feel like one of those nine-year old boys who still believe in miracles and that in the end everything is going to be okay. 
And even if it doesn't, I will know how it 'was' and how it 'will be' the next time we're together again. I just can't help it. Because in the past I missed you for years I know the pain and I know how happy I was when you came back from Calcutta and I still remember when everything changed. You have no idea how much I love you, even though I do things that made you feel like I don't sometimes. You have no idea how much you mean to me. Lastly, I really want to have you in my life forever. Till death do us apart, alright?

The right wrong person

When it comes to love and relationships, I haven't had the typical experiences you might expect of a nearly 32-year-old. I've never lived with a partner. I've never come close to being married. I've been in love, but it was a beautiful, magic kind of thing at 26. I was different from others working with animals most of the time, I was so nervous that I forgot my name when I spoke to her for the first time; now that I look back it was very funny. I was discovering who I really was.

But, it just ended in a few months or so. She had to leave. I couldn't tell her I was really in love with her- that she was the love of my life. In the end we just had to say goodbye. So you could say that the most significant relationship of my life has really been the one I observed between my parents. I think I can safely say that they were bound together by the truth of their love for each other. 

My father, a handsome strong caring man, took care of my mother above all others. He gave her his love unconditionally. Their love started when they both adopted there first dog Jimmy. My mum recalls that Jimmy was the most special gift she ever received. Jimmy was her first son. My parents are compassionate couple who love animals. All these things have passed as hereditary in our family - proof that a love really existed as we thought it did.

Years passed. One day my phone rang. On the other end it was her. I was in tears mumbling on and on about how my heart had been broken. She asked me to come over because she didn't want me be alone. So I went to meet her and kissed her and told her don’t ever leave me and go then I stared at her soft eyes wishing she was mine. 

After 2 hours she looked at me said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her that I didn't want to be "just friends". That I loved her but I was too shy to tell her that. And I don't know why years passed us by without anything happening on either front.

From the very beginning, the girl's family objected strongly about her dating me, saying that it was something to do with family background and that the girl would have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with me. Due to family's pressure, we quarreled very often. I mean it was me. Though she loved me deeply, she always asked me: "How deep is your love for me? 

I was not always very good with words. This often caused  her to be very upset. With that and the family's pressure, I often vented my anger on her. But she only endured it in silence. After a year, I finally left every one for her and again I proposed to her and said " I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?" 

She agreed and with my determination, the family finally gave in and agreed to let us get married. But I  don’t know what happened because within a day or two they refused for our marriage. That was The End............ Or was it?

Tell me again about the wedding we did not have. How I did not wear white, did not choke on tradition, did not blush? All the weddings that were not weddings, the vows that were just sneezing. The road ahead painted on a wall and how we sped over and over again into the brick. I say “we” like you weren't just watching me bruise.  Did you know i made us a home, painted walls  filled it with love I tried to slip the key onto your tongue but you cannot kiss a smile. So my home is not an home. So my home is an empty bed. That’s the thing about heart break. It’s the smallest of worlds ending. Everyone goes around you smiling, like it’s nothing to close a door .

We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you've been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavours of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. 

But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn't until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems the ones that make you truly who you are that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person.

But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.” 

The special person who is wrong for me in just the right way. 

The God

All of us experience periods of spiritual dryness or desolation, times when God seems distant or absent altogether. And when we or others are suffering physically or emotionally, we are bound to cry. It is part of the human experience. Yet, if there is no hope, why do we cry out, and to whom?

The absence of hope brings death. Hope in the midst of suffering can redeem it and restore life in ways we cannot begin to imagine. God is not distant or absent from our lives. If that were the case, we would simply cease to be.

The floods, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, tsunamis, They’re calling it an act of God. They say it is power itself. You can’t stop it.
You can only get out of its way. It doesn’t play favorites. It doesn’t show mercy. It wrecks everything it touches. Homes destroyed, possessions lost, Lives have been forever changed. Is this an act of God?

                

Yesterday I saw love in action. I’m calling it an act of God. Because it is power itself. You can’t stop it.But you can participate in it.It doesn’t play favorites. It gives strength and shows mercy. It brings safety and healing to everything it touches. People saved, shelter shared. Families have been brought together. This, this is an act of God.

After natural disaster its amazing to see heroes, the selflessness of heroes in time of need. Men , women and Dogs specially whose accomplishments are hidden from the world. Men who cut through a floor to save an elderly couple, Hiding in a crawlspace with their home on top of them, Just minutes after the storm had passed. Families who go hours before finding out their home is gone,. A homeless Millionaire , stealing a moment to hold his wife, Taking an opportunity to hug his children, People praying, crying, hurting, helping, serving, holding, who don’t believe in god curses god for sure .
Love is not self-seeking. It always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres. Its compassion  ,Love never fails.
                         In the midst of tragedy, where is God? He is everywhere “Good karma God saved your from Death ,Bad karma God left you to suffer “ There is God.

Save our House Sparrow and to bring it back to Neighborhoods

Birds need our help way more in the summer months than at any other time during the year because birds breed in the spring and early.

Many birds and other creatures die due to lack of water and food in summer pot dome water pots for thirsty birds AT Balcony/windows/Terrace save little ones

The elephant, Tiger, Ganges river dolphin , vulture magnificent creatures extinction makes us sad but did any one notice house sparrow is also vanishing? sparrows are slowly being wiped out as malls and apartment buildings come up and trees cut down . Sparrows are as important to our ecology system as tigers.

Every morning am searching asking my friends if they see a sparrow they say non , Sparrows are shy, elusive creatures. They feed only in the morning hours and are then mostly invisible during the day, hence the necessity to view them before 8 am ,it’s been a long since i saw one .

From childhood, sparrows have fascinated me immensely. During my childhood they were all over, in and around us. We had sparrows nesting everywhere in our home and in those days no one even minded them nesting inside the home. They were a part of the family .In fact, for the past 10,000 years sparrows have been companions to humans. They have evolved with us over a period of time and are an important and integral part of human-associated landscapes.

Five years ago, when I came across a article on the decline of house sparrows in the UK, I started investigating their status in India. I came to know we have never counted our sparrows and other common birds and there are no conservation initiatives, or will, both in the scientific community as well as at the government .Wish I work towards the conservation of house sparrows. I'm not sure how much success I will be in educating people about conservation of sparrows .All these years my family has been the biggest support in this entire journey till today. Our whole family has gotten involved in some way or the other and without them a lot of this would not have been possible .They believed in me when the whole world laughed and called me crazy, because I work with birds and stray animal rescue and not tigers. 

What has not changed is me and what needs to be changed is the attitude of the conservationist and citizens to work on common species like sparrows . What I really want people to do is to make other species also glamorous. I want more people to come forward like Mr.Mohammed Dilawars to take up one species and work relentlessly to make it as popular as sparrows.

                              

Mr.Mohammed Dilawars

I want people to come up to me and say I want to work for Sparrow or the house lizard. This is when the real change will happen.Else, it will be the same old story that only Amazing species like tigers get all the conservation attention and resources.

Changing this mentality is something which is the most important challenge for me. I will change one day .Adopt my sparrow home.

As the habitat and food is shrinking, so are the numbers of house sparrows. Hence, we want people to take part in the creation of alternative habitats for house sparrows by adopting nest boxes and bird feeders.

Mahadeva

I’m  born in a Viswakarma Brahman Acharya family . growing up was not so simple,at the age of seven learning what is   Vedas - which really didn't go in to my head it was clear to my family that ill not become a perfect Brahman. my grandparents thought me  philosophical systems of Adi Sankaraacharya .my father thought me about Buddhism the word called "compassion-care and love towards speechless animals, it really worked. I’m here today serving speechless ones .

I remember asking a Question to my mother at the age of eight .who provides food to all the animals and birds in this universe we just feed my dog and other pets .what about others there are so-many birds and animals out side ?

Mum said lord Shiva blows his Shank-ham and plays his   Damaru which is twisted in one revolution, it often makes the sounds of three successive tones. The sounds that Lord Shiva made with His Damaru will be a call to all the speechless ones in this universe "its dinner time and she also said without lords Shiva’s wish  even a Grass will not be grown on the land" .

Shank-ham" comes from the two Sanskrit words "Shum" which means something good and the "Kham" meaning water. Hence the meaning of "Shankam" is "The conch holding the sacred water".

 panchanana or fiveheaded shiva

Lord Shiva then performed his famous dance–Tandav for the first time to bring Kali back to consciousness. He was accompanied by all the Ghosts and spirits

Lord Shiva making medicine 

The Mantra-

"Shankham chandrakadaivatwam kukshouvaruna daivatam

prusthe prajapatirdaiva mugre ganga saraswati

Pruthivyam yani teerthani vasudevasyachagyaya

Shankhe tisthanti viprendra tasmat shankham prapoojyayet"

Immortals of Meluha Mr. Amish Tripathi .Stop spreading false story of Lord Shiva.

This book Immortals of Meluha and the series of books is the slaughter of the cult of Shiva with utter disrespect and irresponsibility, its the death of a very deep rooted faith.The rules of Shiva faith are strong and any follower of this cult will know how true they are. Shiva is not an inferior barbarian who is illiterate or ignorant. Shiva is a concept, one that speaks of truth, wisdom, profound knowledge, freedom and fearlessness. If the author remotely understood this, he wouldn't even start to write this book.Mount Kailash and Mansarovar are sacred to the cult of Shiva, sacred to the faith called Shaivism. Hence twisting the story to say that he was forced out of there is a completely wrong thing to do. Just as Vaikuntam is sacred to Lord Vishnu, Kailash is sacred to Lord Shiva and no one should even attempt to change this. And readers of such books should not tolerate an author attempting to twist facts specially when he has no idea about the core of this religion and is a complete ignoramus himself.

I have just one advice to give you - If you want to know about Shaivism, this book is not the place you should look for it.

This inspired me to write about lord Shiva .

I bow to Shiva, who has been worshipped with water from the Ganga and anointed with sandalwood paste, the lord of Nandi, the lord of the host of goblins and ghosts, the great lord, who is worshiped with Mandara (Datura )many other kinds of flowers, and who is represented by the syllable “ma. ”

"Mandakini salila chandana charchitaya ,Nandishvara pramathanatha Maheshvaraya,Mandarapushpa bahupushhpa supujitaya,Tasmai Makaraya Namah Shivaya"

Shiva, who wears the king of snakes as a garland, the three-eyed god, whose body is smeared with ashes, the great lord, the eternal and pure one, who wears the animal skin as his garment, and who is creator of the universe

The epic story of Mahadeshwara describes the life and miracles of the saint. The outer structure of the epic resembles the pan-Indian Ramayana : Shiva incarnates himself on earth as Mahadeshwara to destroy an evil king called Shravanasura "The Hero as Saviour". The epic has seven parts . Shiva-Male Mahadeshwara Swamy was moving on a tiger known as Huli Vahana (Tiger as a vehicle) and performed a number of miracles around the hills to save the people and saints living there. The Lord Sri Mahadeshwara's miracles are beautifully sung by the village folk in Janapada Style.

According to legends, Lord Shiva - Mahadeshwara was born in the kaliyuga to a fair colored virgin woman known as Uttarajamma. In his boyhood, he has spiritually guided by then pontiff of Suttur Mutt and Kunthur Mutt. The young saint is supposed to have come from Srishaila to this part of the state. He is said to have performed several miracles in his life, in these places. Afterwards he went to the hillside. It is a dense forest area surrounded by seventy seven hills in seven circles. It was not a safe place for human habitation. It was about six centuries ago that the young saint went in to the forest area, to save the saints who were performing penance and were taken captive by an evil king known as Shravana who possessed abundant black magic power. Apart from this there were tribes living here and there in small groups who were devoid of any rays of human civilization. It is said that the Lord Sri Mahadeshwara destroyed the black magic power of Shravana and got released the saints who were in his prison. The place where they were kept in prison is also a holy place, called Thavasere and the place where Shravana lived is called Shravana Boli.

In the beginning, the Universe was covered with darkness, the universe was filled with darkness, the universe was only darkness. There were no sun, no moon ,no stars nor anything at that time. No little patch of fire, air, water, ether existed at that time. There was only emptiness. Emptiness everywhere. At that time 'sath' existed. Sath had no shape, no color, no personality. It was neither big nor small. Briefly, Sath is Satyam"the truth". It is the knowledge, happiness and other emotions.

The shapeless Brahma evolved according to the wishes. It turned into a Jyothirlingam. This Lingam was known as the Brahmandam"the Universe". This andam split and then began the inception of the nondestructive 'Virat Pursh'. He/she was the only thing existed at that time. He/she existed everywhere. He/she had many faces and eyes in every direction. He/she could see without eyes and hear without ears. It was impossible to see him/her in full form.

This NirakaraRupa(formless) ParaBrahma, after many yugas, wished for something else. He/she wished for the evolution of millions from one. At that moment, he/she decided to be in a form by using his/her own powers. That idol was with all greatness, all knowledge and was a God figure for everyone. Parabrahma without a body-and that idol is Lord 'SadaSiva'.

At one time, Siva and ParaSakti became close as husband and wife. Being happy, they wished for something. To create someone to do the job of 'Creation'. With these thoughts Siva with Shakti applied Amritam on the ten organs of the left side of his own body. After sometime, from that part, born a person who is handsome of all three worlds and with the goodness of million suns.

That great man worn a crown of gold. The beauty of his body was challenging to all ruby and emeralds. Covered with jewelery and ornaments, he worn a robe made up of gold. He has strong hands and eyes resembling to lotus. He existed everywhere, therefore he came to be known as Vishnu.

At the time of creation, nature entered Vishnu. Greatness was made and pride evolved from it. Pride split into Emotions, Brilliance and Anger. From the anger, sky was evolved, from the sky air was evolved, from the air fire was evolved and from the fire water was evolved. Vishnu brought consciousness to the five elements. Vishnu's vigor was thrown out in water. This vigor is known to be the 'Life'.

First of all, Hinduism teaches monotheism, the absolute Nirakara Rupa Parabrahma being classified into different forms or avatars like waves in the ocean. Lord Shiva is one of it.  Therefore, he can supposed to be a personification of a form of energy required for act of destruction, scientifically speaking. Lord Shiva is then part of the absolute, you cannot tell which yuga he lived because he is always living. It's like asking in which year did kinetic energy exist?.

If you are asking in the context of Puranas, then, Lord Shiva didnt die to be said 'lived'. Unlike Gods such as Sri Ram, Krishna etc who are avatars or human forms of God, some superior Gods such as BrahmaDev, Vishnu and Shiva live forever until the cycle of life ends and they get reborn. I will give you his time span. Lord Shiva lives upto 400 BrahmaDev Years. And how long is 1 year of Brahma, u may ask...

4,320,000,000 human years = 1 Chatur Yuga of Devas. 1000 Chatur Yugas = 1 Maha Yuga

 1 Maha Yuga is also collection of the four Yugas - Satya Yuga, Treta Yuga, Dwapara Yuga and Kali Yuga.

1 Maha Yuga = 1 day(excluding night) of Brahma

In 1 day(1 Maha Yuga) of Brahma, he does the divine job of creation with the help of 14 Manus one by one. By this calculation, in the present, 6 Manus have done their job. Right now, the seventh Manu called Vaivaswadan is helping Brahma for creation. Everything that Brahma created a day will be destroyed at the time of dusk.

Brahma has a life span of 100 years. Once he dies, a new Brahma will be born. It is said that millions of Brahma has already born and died earlier.

It is also said that 14 Indras will born and die one by one in each Brahma’s life.

Currently, we are all in the 1st day of the 51st year of Brahma and 6 Manus have done their job.

 So, Shiva is actually above the yugas. Yugas are timescale of our world and Lord Shiva is beyond that.

Thanks to 

My grand father  Sri Gangadhar Acharya and Late Sri Huli Madhvacharya

Who don't have a Story

Who don't have a Story.

It is through our Stories that we interconnect with others and if we dare not share the path we have walked... then we are of little use to others who redeemed our Story.
Are there areas of your life where trials and tragedy threatened to define who you are?
Was there an unexpected twist in your journey that seemed to take the very breath out of you?
Has God allowed you to experience one or two or more trials that appear worse than anything your friends have gone through?

I say It is not by accident, even if your trial was of your own bad judgement or wrong turn in the road.  It doesn't matter.  Whether you were an innocent victim in the walk of life or you feel you are paying for your own actions.

Been long since i had tea with mum . hahaha. pardon me then. been extra busy with work. like, the hell. it's only been a week and i have tons of  work at home piled up. Plants are dying .
had some problems that caused a bit of a headache and heartache few weeks back. but it's fine now. i just need to stop thinking about it. you know.
i made a promise to myself to start taking pictures again. i suppose i should. just to refresh myself a bit. it'll be a bit difficult tho. i moved back to home and after working from Monday to Friday, weekends feel like heaven. sleeping until 8 or 9 feels blissful. no exaggeration i'm telling you... generally i don't make resolutions, because I don't believe in setting myself up for failure. I like to have goals all of the time, so that every step toward that goal is a win, no matter what day of the year it is! With that being said...I was a really bad animal rescue volunteer over the past couple of months, and I didn't show my face at the rescue ONCE! It wasn't because of weather, or being too busy...it was just sheer laziness.I had really been wanting to get back to the shelter, but I had been gone so long...I felt guilty just showing back up. But just as the universe does, it opens doors for you when you ask for them to be opened. I am happy to be back to doing what makes me feel accomplished, while making my heart smile Plus, I got to meet, and play with the cutest puppy in the universe afterwards. It was a great reminder as to why spending time at the rescue is important to me. I get my kitten and puppy fix without having to take them home. I know that they are well cared for with the staff and volunteers, until they find homes... and in the meantime..I get to enjoy them and help them get adopted!

just wish me luck. to stay strong for myself. you can do it.Another year older.in few weeks ..although, aside from fighting wrinkles, I don't feel any older.its my birthday coming soon

Adopt a homeless dog today

Did you know there are hundreds of thousands of homeless dogs and cats in shelters? Just because a dog or cat ends up in a shelter does not mean it cannot make a good pet. A lot of pets end up in shelters simply because the original owners did not do their homework, did not understand canine needs, did not research the breed, or mix of breeds in the dog and simply picked the wrong type of pet. Or never realized how much work a pet was, until they had one, and decided they didn't want the responsibility. Shelters are full of excellent, but misunderstood dogs. By misunderstood I mean, most dogs are in the shelter because they had owners who could not speak dog. Owners who didn't give the dog what it institutionally needed and in return they created a dog with issues. The two number of reasons a dog develops issues are, lack of exercise, and lack of leadership. 

                                   

Humans forget they are dealing with a canine animal and too many times do not give the canine what he needs as that animal. When the dog does not act like that picture perfect image they had in their minds they assume they "didn't get a good one" and they "get rid" of the dog. That's the bad news. The good news is since dogs live from day to day, meaning they do not dwell in the past or the future; it is absolutely possible to take a full grown dog and start over as if it was the first day for the rest of its life. Do it right and you will see a totally different dog than the one its owners dumped at the dog shelter.

(Article by Mahesh Acharya)

Pleas read this book

A Dog's Purpose
Book by W. Bruce Cameron

                                                    

  

   

A Dog's Life: The Autobiography of a Stray